I always say that I wish God spoke to me more. I'm one of those "Ok God if I can chug this glass of orange juice before this commercial is over that means you want me to _____." Really, Caitlin. What I mean is I never really stop to listen...I plan and manipulate what I hear. Maybe its a girl thing? Maybe its a virgo thing? Maybe its a teacher thing? Who knows. What I do know is it's what I do...and that my personal goal and my prayer for myself is that I can start letting go and letting God. What do you need to let go of and give to God?
I have learned, more so in the last two years than ever, that when you plan God laughs. Case in Point. Five years ago I would have bet money I'd be married and planning for a baby at 24. God said HAHAH. Two years ago I would have bet money I'd be engaged right now planning a wedding. God said HAHAHA. One year ago I would have bet money I'd be living in my very own house right now. But yet again God let out his deep belly laugh and HAHAed in my face. Now don't get me wrong, they're not nasty, mean, bullying haha's. They are more like haha if you only knew the plans I have for you type of laugh. They are like haha your disappointments would make you laugh too if you could actually see how your life will turn out. And sometimes, especially when I look back on some of the guys I dated, they probably are HAHAHAH you were honestly hoping to marry him? (because I do believe God has an amazing sense of humor).
See, if God had answered my prayers two years ago...I would have never accepted the job I have now, I would have been in a relationship with someone who didn't share my faith, and I would have been two hours away from my entire family. Two years ago I thought my life was over when those prayers weren't answered. But oh my Lord had my prayers been answered then, I'd have lost or never known the amazingness of what I have now...my school, my friends, my kiddos, my Cami, my family. Wow, how amazing these last two years have been. And yea there were some sucky times. But aren't the sucky times so much less sucky when you are where the Lord wants you to be?
So maybe hearing God isn't actually hearing his voice in the quiet of your brain (which is a HAHA moment because my brain is never quiet). Maybe its not sitting down and having meditating prayer time when all of the sudden everything makes sense. Maybe its applying to ten counties in your state and ONLY getting an interview in the county that you were raised in, the county that only hired two elementary teachers that year, the county where you never ever expected to work in. Maybe its going to work every morning and going to church every Sunday and being surrounded by people who you know fit into your life as though they were made to be a part of you, and realizing you would have never known so deeply, or at all, if God had answered your prayers two years earlier. Maybe its having your 13 year old sister raid your closet and realize this would have never happened if He answered my prayers. Maybe its having a stomach disorder that basically crippled you and then mysteriously went away as quickly as it came and getting a clean bill of health as soon as you accepted God's NO and started living the life he had planned.
I'm not the type of person to hear God right away. But I've grown to be the person who realizes two years later WOW when I didn't have my crap together, God held that crap together. And when I can't hear him and figure things out just by listening, He says NO to my prayers and I am forced to listen. Just like a parent, He says no not to be a tyrant and to take away our fun, but to love us and guide us when we can't see the way ourselves. Regardless of how you hear Him, He is da bomb diggity and I am oh so grateful.
Keep smiling friends, it's almost Spring, and we all have our God holding our crap together s